What I Want

Wow.

That's all i have to say at this point. I don't know how many times I have to tell you, when I say something I MEAN IT. Okay? I don't say shit that I don't mean so don't mess around with me because if I say "I don't know what I would do without you, I would be lost" that translates into I don't know what I do without you, I would be lost...so don't go anywhere. 

I don't understand the point in even saying something if you don't mean it. What is the point? Did you mean anything you said? Or were you just saying it? You should try meaning what you say, and then act on what you say, all the time. Not just part of the time. You were different than everyone else, and I want to be so angry at you, but I can't because I care about you too much. I want to yell and scream and I want you to feel awful because that's how I feel. But at the same time I don't want to be hurt at all. This is so unfair of you. All I want is a huge undo button so I can pretend this never happened. You confuse me to no end. You say one thing, then you say something totally different, so what the hell do you want? I want to be mad at you, but I can't because you were the person I always turned to when something awful happened. I never thought you would be the one to cause the awful things. I want everything to go back to how it use to be, you were my rock. I'm so sick of using past tense. I want to use present tense. I want to tell people that your my best friend, I want to say that I care about you, not that I cared about you because that's a lie, I will always care about you. I mean...this is our first fight, ever. I want to say that we've only had one fight and we've been best friends for almost 3 years. That's what I want. I want this to be over, I want you to tell me everything, I want you to be sorry I want you to show that your sorry. I want you to be my rock again.

I'm sorry.