Love is so god damn complicated. I don't understand it.
Here I am, slightly unhappy, so I try to better myself and I try to become more happy. Just to realize that although I may have been slightly unhappy every now and then I am now completely and utterly miserable by myself. I don't even feel like I want a lot out of people. The only thing I want is for them to treat me how they would want me to treat them. I feel that is a simple enough concept.
I thought that I was maybe strong enough to do this, but after it was done I realized that what made me so strong was...him.
You know you're screwed when the only person that you want to comfort you is the one that you just destroyed. I feel like in general I am a huge fan of love, I'm a fan of commitment. But I'm not a fan of this, I'm not a fan of not knowing what to do, not knowing if what I did was the right thing or not. Not knowing what will come next, not knowing if I should go back, not knowing if I should move on.
But I don't want to move on. Because moving on means trying to forget all of the good times, like my stupid songs, that consist of the same three notes, black jack tacos, watching thunderstorms together, making mac and cheese at one in the morning, playing video games until we get too competitive that we have to stop, going to every single movie that comes out, dancing, singing like total idiots.
I don't want to forget about that. I just want to create more memories like that.
I just want this to work out for the better. We've shared almost two years of our lives together, all I want to do is keep sharing our lives together. I just want everything back. I'm sorry.
