It blows my mind how much you can care about someone. No matter what happens or what they do to you. You'll always go through hell or high water for them. It blows my mind how badly you want them happy, even if being happy means not being with you... but then wishing that being happy meant being with you. I hate that "what if" question that always hits me no matter how hard I try to avoid it. "What if everything works out in the end?" "What if it works? What if we make it?" Sometimes I wish that I can just know how everything ends so I don't have to strain myself about it now.
I know I shouldn't, and every time I try to talk to one of my guy friends about this they always say around the same line..."Don't worry about it! There are other guys better than him" "Don't worry, you'll find the right guy" I think it's kind of funny how differently guys and girls think about relationships. All my guy friends are so chill and they aren't worried about finding their girl. But 75% of my thoughts consist of me finding my guy. I think it's because I'm so deathly afraid of never finding anyone. Especially when I'm fairly content with people I've already found. And then I think about how I'm way to young to be worrying about this, but then I think if I don't think about this I could end up alone.
I also think it's interesting how badly people can want things to work when they want it enough. But that's the trick...you have to want it enough..and if you don't...or if you have one little doubt then it won't work. That part kind of sucks really badly. I kinda wish I could just say "WORK OUT" and then it does, just like that. I mean...I know anything with relationships is going to be really hard and I know every relationship has its obstacles and challenges. But I want this to work out. Because I can't see myself being with anyone else, and that has to mean something...right?
It just blows my mind how much one person can change someone's life, and how much one person could want something so silly to work out so badly.
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