Leading and Following

I use to think that being lead on was the worst feeling--ever. Is it actually the worst feeling ever? No..I'm sure there are way worse feelings to feel, but being lead on is definitely up there. Another feeling that is on the list of "Worst Feelings Ever" would be the feeling of being the leader in the leading on, instead of the follower.

This is the first time this has ever happened to me, I'm normally the follower when it comes to being lead on, but not this time. And oh my god I feel like shit.

It's so crazy how different events in life can get you to look at something from a completely new angle.

For example, every time I got lead on, I hated the guy...immediately. And you know, he would always say that he was "sooooo sorry" and that he "didn't mean to" and I remember thinking, bullshit you didn't mean to, you knew what you were doing. But that was me, in the followers shoes. Now, I see that being in the leaders shoes, maybe, just maybe, those guys that said they were "soooo sorry" were actually sooo sorry, and maybe they really didn't mean to. I mean...sure maybe some of them weren't sorry, and maybe they did kinda mean to.

But that's not really the point..the point I'm trying to make is, it's crazy how your opinions change depending on your situation. I think it's totally reasonable for the followers to be really pissed off at the leaders, but don't get too upset...because I really don't think the leader was trying to hurt you on purpose...it's not like they were sitting in their room planning out how they were gonna hurt you. Maybe it was too much too fast, or maybe they were trying to figure out where their heads were, or maybe they were simply not thinking at all. Whatever the reason is...before you say things you don't mean, put yourself in their shoes, because I think once you do that, once you truly step into their shoes, you'll realize that they feel just as shitty as you do.

Because for the leading on to even occur they obviously had to care about you to some extent, and who would want to intentionally hurt a friend?...I'm pretty sure no one.

I can't speak for all the leaders that have ever lead anyone on before, but I think the worst thing about this is how helpless I feel, it's like...saying sorry really isn't enough, but there isn't another word that I'm currently aware of that would be able to really say how bad I feel, and then when you think telling them how bad you feel will maybe, somehow show them..it doesn't. They're still angry, and they should be, but it sucks because I have no way of communicating to you how bad I feel.

I know for a fact that I never, ever want(ed) to hurt any of my friends on purpose.
And I'm sorry.